All the Ways to Become an Elder...
A few weeks ago I boogied down on the dance floor more than at any other wedding I’ve been to in my life. It was my step son’s wedding—a boy who’s been most dear to me and who I’ve been parenting since his grade school days. I love his new wife. It was a good day to celebrate. I was also playing wedding coordinator, second in command for set up and tear down, and wrangler of family for photos… so I was running during pretty much every minute that I wasn’t dancing.
I decided not to wear a prosthetic to the wedding, knowing that my dress would not be able to hide the concavity of the left side of my chest very well, so doing something as wild and visible as dancing my ass off was extra bold, but it felt right.
It’s another milestone toward elderhood—not only am I without any parents, but I now have a daughter in law and could have grandchildren coming at any time. I’m only 52, so a youngish candidate for grand-kids by today’s standards, but I’m no less eager than friends who are older. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want my grand-kids to know me. I think that grandparents can be such amazing role models. I’m glad that I started out my career as a mother in law with shameless and unhindered bodily self expression—both the dancing part, and the lack of symmetry part. I want the generations who come after me to be open and accepting of their bodies—the way they look, the way they move, and the way that they are unique. Call me “a silly old woman” any time you’d like, if that’s the cost of setting this kind of example.
This week we lost an important leader in the flat—after breast cancer—communtiy: Christy Avila was a soft spoken single mom who put her health and her son first. She had great boundaries, and rarely spoke up in public unless the topic of breast implant illness came up, and then she was indomitable. She dedicated the last decade of her life to the community of breast cancer survivors here in the US, and especially those who needed to know more about the option of going flat. Her facebook page, Fierce Flat Forward was a tremendous help to women making the transition of mastectomy, because it was so visual and so safe. Her invention, International Flat Day, brought flatties together for a celebration of bodies that was truly transformative, and it will live on now in her absence. Please note these as resources for your friends who are diagnosed in the future!
My podcast is on hold for the summer while I “Make Good Trouble” in my own community, as the late congressman John Lewis encouraged us all to do when our basic freedoms are being threatened. Today is Good Trouble Lives On Day in every state and most cities across our country. You can find a gathering of folks with signs and smiles at this directory. I’ll be on the safety team at the Forest Grove rally at 4:30. FG is a small college town, but we had nearly 600 people at our last action for NO KINGS Day. I hope you’ll either try to join us for Good Trouble Lives On this afternoon and evening, or at least look at the photos that come out with this hashtag, and share them.